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In This Article:

• Why kindness is the most valuable gift you can give.
• The 4 key ways to express kindness every day.
• How positivity, praise, and gratitude create stronger connections.
• Why acts of kindness benefit both the giver and the receiver.
• How to graciously accept kindness from others.
  
  

Why Kindness is the Best Gift

by Jude Bijou, M.A., M.F.T.

"Kindness" was selected as the Children's Word of the Year for 2024 by the Oxford University Press. It's so preferred to the runner-up word "artificial intelligence."

We can express love in acts of kindness and giving. On the other hand, anger, left unexpressed physically, naturally, and constructively, manifests in unkind words, thoughts, or actions. It could be expressed as negativity, criticism, being judgmental, or blaming. Anger, dealt with constructively, brings us back to our heart and lets our love shine through. 

Kindness: A Rule of Communication

It's no surprise that kindness is one of Attitude Reconstruction's Four Rules of Communication. The other three Communication Rules, just in case you want a reminder, are: 1) "I"s, talk about yourself not others, 2) Specifics, deal in concrete terms, not over-generalities, and 3) Listen well.   

There are four verbal kindnesses to heap on yourself and others:  

1. Positivity

2. Praise

3. Appreciations

4. Gratitudes

We need to direct kindness towards other people and things as well as ourselves. As a daily practice, you can write, think, or speak one to three of each daily to reap amazing benefits! 

1. POSITIVITY

It's a real drag to be around someone who has something negative to say about almost everything. Accentuating the positive makes a noticeable difference. For example, you can declare the boss didn't get the complexity and brilliance of your report or relish the fact that you represented all sides of the issue fairly.  

Looking at the glass as half-full is like giving water to a thirsty plant. By leaving out the negative observations and focusing on what you liked instead, you'll elevate your inner state as well as others around you. By focusing on the positive, you open the door for satisfying interactions, uplifting communications, and new solutions. As you go through your day, replace the "no" with "yes, yes, yes."

2. PRAISE

Who doesn't just love being told what they're doing right for a change? In his book The Power of Positive Parenting, Dr. Glenn Latham, suggests that the ratio between praise and corrective feedback should be about twenty to two.

This concept doesn't just apply to children. Across the board, it's infinitely more effective to praise actions that you want to encourage than to punish those you disapprove of.

People can't get enough genuine praise, so keep it coming, especially when someone is going through a difficult time. Some examples of praise are:

I'm glad you brought this topic up.

You did a really good job on that.

I like what you just said. 

3. APPRECIATIONS

A simple gesture of appreciation can be all that's needed to bring love into the room. Expressing appreciations for others doesn't negate the differences we might have with them, but it super charges the good we see in each other.

Instead of criticizing and judging, focus on characteristics or actions that we admire and voice them. Appreciations can be general or specific. Here are some examples of strong appreciations:

I appreciate how you helped me this on this task.

I appreciate your sense of integrity.

I like how thoughtful you are.

I appreciate that you cleaned your room this morning.

I'm glad you understand how I feel about this.

4. GRATITUDES

Being thankful for what you usually take for granted, you become aware of how fortunate and blessed you are. Expressing our thanks reminds us of our bounty and offsets complaints and feelings of entitlement. Specific gratitudes may be:

I'm grateful for my good health.

I'm grateful for my friends and family.

I'm grateful for this meal.

Thank you for just being you. 

How to Receive Words of Kindness

Giving appreciations, praise, and gratitudes are half of the equation. The other half is receiving what's offered. We cringe, deflect, discount, and don't let it in because early messages or beliefs have convinced us that we are not worthy. When someone offers thanks or appreciations, we resist because we've been told it's selfish or self-centered to toot our own horn.

The bottom line is we don't accept the gesture of love that is being offered. Being able to fully accept appreciations, thanks, and gratitude is a major step in reclaiming your self-esteem. You can do that by silencing your inner and outer voice when someone lays one on you and take in the gift you've just been given. At first, it's not easy.

Shake your head up and down, say "yes" and after a generous pause, say either "thank you" or "will you please tell me that again because I'm working on accepting appreciations."   

The Many Manifestations of Kindness

Kindness manifests in a lot of ways, such as acts of compassion, helpfulness, empathy, forgiveness, and caring. Acts of kindness are the direct route to experiencing love. These gestures kindle and ignite feelings of love in both the recipients and ourselves.

For maximum effect, kindness must be offered without expecting something in return, except for you to feel more love and connection. Kindness is not a business transaction.

©2025 by Jude Bijou, M.A., M.F.T.
All Rights Reserved.

Book by this Author: Attitude Reconstruction

Attitude Reconstruction: A Blueprint for Building a Better Life
by Jude Bijou, M.A., M.F.T.

With practical tools and real-life examples, this book can help you stop settling for sadness, anger, and fear, and infuse your life with joy, love, and peace.

Jude Bijou's comprehensive blueprint will teach you to: cope with family members' unsolicited advice, cure indecision with your intuition, deal with fear by expressing it physically, create closeness by truly talking and listening, improve your social life, increase staff morale in just five minutes a day, handle sarcasm by visualizing it flying by, carve out more time for yourself by clarifying your priorities, ask for a raise and get it, stop fighting via two easy steps, cure kids' tantrums constructively. You can integrate Attitude Reconstruction into your daily routine, regardless of your spiritual path, cultural background, age, or education.

For more info and/or to order this book, click here. Also available as a Kindle edition.

About the Author:

Jude Bijou is a licensed marriage and family therapist (MFT), an educator in Santa Barbara, California and the author of Attitude Reconstruction: A Blueprint for Building a Better Life.

In 1982, Jude launched a private psychotherapy practice and started working with individuals, couples, and groups. She also began teaching communication courses through Santa Barbara City College Adult Education.

Visit her website at AttitudeReconstruction.com/

Article Recap:

Kindness transforms lives. Whether through a kind word, an expression of gratitude, or an act of generosity, every small act creates ripples of love and connection. Giving kindness freely—without expecting something in return—is the most powerful way to experience love and emotional fulfillment.

#Kindness #SpreadLove #PowerOfKindness #GivingBack #ActsOfKindness